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As you could tell by the title of this article, I am coming into this show without a single shred of insight on the happenings of Scream Queens.

All I know is that it is created by Ryan Murphy (bleh), and that Google has it labeled as a black comedy, horror fiction, and comedy horror.

Before I get into the actual review portion of this article, I want to get some petty nitpicking out of the way (and there is a lot).

Scream Queens
Does this girl ever take off those gross looking earmuffs?
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This guy is waaaayyyy too old for that shoulder. I mean girl…
Scream Queens
So she’s live streaming a video. Okay. She can see herself. Okay. HOW DOES SHE NOT NOTICE THE RED GUY BEHIND HER? This isn’t even nitpicking. This is just plain stupid.
Scream Queens
Minus a billion points for this sorry excuse of ‘artsy’ film making.
Scream Queens
This lady’s acting is so bad. Like insanely bad. She’s surrounded by a lot of bad acting, but her bad acting sticks out like a badly acted sore thumb.
Scream Queens
Someone should call the police. Not because of the murders, but because this onion is being abused by this lady’s shoddy cooking workmanship.
Scream Queens
Dear god, does this lady ever shut up?

Okay, now to the actual review.

To put it plainly, this episode (and probably the show as a whole) was terrible. A plethora of bad actors, mismanaged plot points, one big fat grey area in the genre market, and some horrendous, mind-boggling pacing.

I understand that Ryan Murphy has a lot of ideas when it comes to where he wants to take this show, but he needs to chill out. The plots in this episode could have easily been spaced out to make other episodes. It’s a TV series, not a mini-series, Ryan Murphy; can you slow it down a bit?

Which plot was the A Plot, and which one was the B Plot? There were so many things going on in this episode. We have that one girl with the mommy and daddy issue trying to find out if she was the baby in the tub (don’t know what that’s about), Emma Roberts trying to frame her, the university gets shut down (yet they still continue doing university things), and…well I’m not really sure.

As a black comedy, it fails to deliver anything remotely dark or humorous (unless you count the acting *ba dum tss*). I don’t think Ryan Murphy knows what black comedies are, because Scream Queens is far from that genre.

As a horror show, it fails to scare. Like at all. Where exactly were the scary parts? Was it the Psycho homage at the very beginning of the episode? Because if it was then whatever feeling of ‘horror’ that scene created was destroyed seconds after when Jamie Lee Curtis started kung fu fighting the masked murderers.

Also, what the hell was all that about? Why is Jamie Lee Curtis executing some absolutely horrendous kung fu fighting moves on these masked murderers? I’ve seen better fighting choreography in YouTube videos of school kids fighting.

As a comedy, it actually does deliver. But only because this episode is so terribly organized and paced that you can’t help but laugh at it.

I don’t think I’ll be going back to this show. Ever since season 2 of American Horror Story, Ryan Murphy has shown signs of carelessness with his shows.

I’d rather not subject my eyes to such a mismanaged, badly acted, terribly paced, clusterf*** of a show.